Measuring Success by the Amount of Happiness in Your Life

I wrote in an earlier post about my growing interest in positive psychology and one of its key conclusions that we are happiest when our lives have both pleasure and meaning.  I've now had a chance to read Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar.  I loved the book so much that I'm adding it to my list of all-time-favorites. 

Happier is one of those subversive little books that's so easy to read, it's only after the fact that you realize that the seemingly obvious insights it contains have burrowed themselves deep into your brain and are doing a trick on you.  Days after you've finished the book, the ideas still percolate, challenging your perceptions and basically forcing you to rethink the entire way you live your life.  And then you find yourself opening the book to look back over those quotes that you can't get out of your mind and give up and just start re-reading the book all over again.

Here's one of those insights that I'm still mulling over. In pointing out the absurdity of our willingness to stay in jobs that keep us miserable, Ben-Shahar says:

"Had we found ourselves in a job that did not afford us our basic material needs, we would do everything in our power to change our predicament.  So why do we set lower standards for ourselves when the ultimate currency - when our own happiness - is at stake?"

Really, why is that?  After all, anything and everything we do in life we ultimately do in the name of happiness.  We set ourselves a goal of getting a new job or a pet or a new house or a husband.  But the main reason we're doing these things is that we expect them to make us happy.  That's why Ben-Shahar refers to happiness as "the ultimate currency":

"Money and fame are subordinate to happiness and have no intrinsic value.  The only reason money and fame may be desirable is that having them or the thought of having them could lead to positive emotions or meaning.  In themselves, wealth and fame are worthless:  there would be no reason to seek fame and fortune if they did not contribute, in some way, toward happiness.  In the same sense that assets are secondary to money in a business - in that their worth is evaluated in dollars and cents - fame and material wealth are secondary to happiness in our lives."

Why is it, then, that we fail to measure our success in life in the amount of happiness that we have?  Ben-Shahar's answer is that we as a society have been conditioned by an excessively materialist perspective, and he does much in this book to debunk the myths that this perspective has created.  He is careful to point out that he has nothing against material success.  But he is also careful to demonstrate why using money and prestige as sole measures of success creates greater and greater levels of unhappiness.  He advocates that we as a society shift from a "material perception" to a "happiness perception":

"Happiness perception is about recognizing that happiness is the ultimate currency, the end toward which all other goals lead.  Happiness perception is not about rejecting the material but rather dethroning it from its status as the highest on the hierarchy...  We enjoy higher levels of well-being when we recognize and internalize the fact that happiness is the ultiamate currency."

There is much more to say about this amazing book, but I'll have to stop here for now.  A dear friend from Boston is in town and she's making dinner, and I know that helping her cook and consume it will definitely bring me both pleasure and meaning...  Stay tuned for more posts on the subject.

Comments

[Carla]

I've been navel-gazing about my career and my future work life for months now, and while I've gained lots of work-related insights, today your post matched my mood exactly. I started my career quest a few months back when I saw my 40th birthday looming, and discovered that I didn't know what I wanted to do for work in the next part of my life. Well today is my 40th birthday, and so far I've spent it counting my blessings and focusing on my happiness. The career thing is still something I'm working on, but I've discovered that happiness is the best part of my life. Career will follow. I'm going to go look for a copy of that book now. A little birthday treat for myself!

http://40-nowwhat.blogspot.com/

[Izabella]

Hey Carla, happy birthday! Good for you for choosing to focus on what really matters. Counting blessings is one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves. (Ben-Shahar is, actually, among the many experts who recommend that we keep gratitude journals as a way to bring our attention to what we have rather than what we don't.) I really like your blog and admire your quest for the work you love. I'm a big believer in the idea that work should be a source of joy and personal satisfaction and that we shouldn't settle for anything less. Thanks for stopping by - and have a great, great, GREAT birthday!

[David Zinger]

Carla:

I enjoyed this book and it does make sense that happiness could be a measure for our career but so many of us look at advancement and money.

I liked the section quoted from Boldt on page 58:

"Society tells us the only thing that matters is matter -- the only things that count are the tings that can be counted." The monetary worth of a house is quantifiable; the feelings we attach to our homes are not. Shakespeare's Hamlet may cost ten dollars in the bookstore; what it means to us cannot be measured.

David

[David Zinger]

Izabella:

Isn't it interesting that we "count" our blessing...seems we can't get away from measurement. I focus on employee engagement and also believe that if you have joy and satisfaction in your work engagement is a non issue.

David

[Izabella]

Hey David, good point on measurement... And I agree with you completely on the engagement issue. I came across an article recently about a study that measured people's engagement at work. The result was really pathetic: apparently, employees report being most productive and engaged just two or three hours a week - specifically on Tuesday mornings. Just two or three hours of the entire work week! The article then went on to offer tips on how to be more engaged the rest of the week (diminish distractions, etc). I thought then how different things would be if people were actually engaged in work that offered both pleasure and meaning - or, as you say, joy and satisfaction.

I also loved the quote you mentioned in your note to Carla. The point about the cost of Hamlet in a bookstore versus what it really means to us puts things in a really stark perspective.

I look forward to following your blog - it looks like we think very much alike when it comes to work satisfaction issues. Thank you for stopping by!